i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
