sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
