I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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