My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
