that's an acceptable place to lick
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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