While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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