toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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