thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
