ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
