I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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