put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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