ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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