I'm jealous of your bromance
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
