dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
