You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
