i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
