well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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