I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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