I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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