Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
