Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
