the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
