tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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