I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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