I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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