I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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