Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
pop tarts are not kleenex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
