I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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