So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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