Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
