I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
