I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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