In the future we'll all be gay
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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