Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my shit smells like andre
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i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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