Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
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I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
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I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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