the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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