I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
