I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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