He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
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I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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