Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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