Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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