im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
