My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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