My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
