At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
