I wish I could teleport
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
