if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Come on in and take your pants off
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