Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
