I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
