i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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