so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think my vagina is haunted
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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