i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
