So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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