You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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