Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
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you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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