you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
