i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
