I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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