i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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