so that wasnt chicken after all
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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