I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize