That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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